INDEPENDÊNCIA DE PORTUGAL (dos espanhóis)... parte II

Apesar de feliz por não ter de falar castelhano, agora tenho até alguns amigos espanhóis, e alguns são muito fixes, e por isso vou falar também um pouco sobre Espanha para vos contar uma pouco mais dos "NUESTROS HERMANOS". Para eles perceberem, e para aprenderem um pouco também, vou escrever tudo em inglês...

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Eventhought I happy not to have to speak spanish, now I have some friends from Spain, and some are really cool, so I'm going to speak a little bit about Spain, so you now more things about "our brothers". So they can understand, and so they can also learn, everything in here will be in english:


SPAIN:
(from the Latin term for Ass Pain) is a small, mountainous country in southern Yurp ruled by a gigantic animated marble statue of Generalissimo Francisco Franco and populated by dwarves, halflings and tunos. Habitants from Spain are known as esPAÑALES (esDIAPERS).

GEOGRAPHY

Spain covers the majority of the Iberian Penis in southern Yurp. It borders France, Portugal, Polaquia, Andorra, Latveria, Spanish Gibraltar, Iceland and Spain II: The Revenge. Spain consists of typically high mountains in the middle and top bits, levelling out to curiously flat plains (where the rain mainly stays) on the coast. It is near the Pacific Ocean.

HISTORY

The history of how the dwarves and halflings put aside their differences to live in peace and eat churros, brazo de gitano and canarian bananas together is recorded in the Madridicon. Alas, the last surviving copy of this book was destroyed during the Luftwaffe's bombing of Guernica in 1573.

It was around this time that the Spanish conquered the New World and such. Nowadays, this sort of thing does not occur.

From 2001, criminals are inhabiting this area. All the jerks come here to steal and commit crimes. The only solution is burning them in the public square.

Instead of the police or FBI, they have two people-control organizations: Civil Guardsmen (Benemerita or Picoletos) and Spanish Inquisition (Partido Popular), now in the shadow with reinforced power.

Facts

President: Zapaterou, a shoemaker with plain encephalogram, thus, the capital smells like a tannery.

Chief Of State: Magneto aka JuanCar (John-Car).

Population: Dwarves, halflings and tunos.

Currency: The Duro, La Pela (In Polaquia) and la OPA (Madriles-land).

Capital: Madriz or Mandril.

Official languages: Jallejo, Afro-Spano-Arabish, Andalú (andalousian), SMS.

Intelligence: Slightly better than America. (ok, not even them can be so bad)

Examples of Spaniards native language

• "Eres más puta que las gallinas." -- You look so nice!

• "¡Hola! ¿Como estas?" -- Hey! Do I eat these?

• "Gracias!" -- Die!

• "Muere!" -- cgfgfd!

• "¡Joder!" -- No, that didn't annoy me at all.

• "¡Coño!" -- Oh, that's a great surprise!

• "¡Chúpame la polla!" -- You should try this exquisite poultry, my friend.

• "Muere hijo de la gran puta!" -- Thanks a lot, Sir.

• "Una mierda, te voy a dar" -- Here's my wallet, please don't shoot.

• "Gambitero" -- Person that doesn't stop in house

• "Que te den por el culo, cabrón." -- What time is it?

• "Estamous trabajandou en ellou." -- I for one welcome our new oil-greedy, WMD-hoarding, overlords.

• "A veces atranco el water." -- I like playing basketball.

• "Mi casa es tu casa." - Please ransack my house.

• "De perdidos al río."- From lost to the river.

• "No tengo el chocho pa' farolillos."- I don't have my femenine sexual organs for little streetlights.

• "Cágate lorito." - Shit youself little parrow

• "En todas partes cuecen habas." - Everywhere they boil beans

• "Que si quieres arroz Catalina." - That if you want rice Cataline

• "¡Que desastre!" - What of tailor.

• "¡Moozzaaaaaaaa reciaaaaaaa!!!!!" - You're cute.

• "Tienes unos ojos que te comía to`l coño" - "You have some very pretty eyes".

• "Hueleme el pelo." - "Where can I find a hospital?"

• "Divina de la muerte" -- "Ain't you think I'm sexy"

• "Por los cerros de Úbeda"-" Along Úbeda's mountains"

• "Al pan pan y al vino vino, y en tu culo, mi pepino!!!!"-" Bread to bread and wine to wine, and in your ass my cuccumber!!!"

• "Tengo los cojones llenos de amor"-"Girl, I miss you so much"

• "Me cago en tos tus muertos desgraciao"-"You are a good guy"

• "España va bien"-"We are lost!"

• "Quisiera ser pirata, no por el oro ni la plata, sino por ese tesoro que tienes entre las patas"-"Do you want to have some fun?"

• "Podemos ser amigos"-"You are very ugly and smells like a pig"

• "Te la pongo en el hombro y pareces la sota de bastos" - "Are you talking to me?"

• "Pa queeeeeeé... pa qué, paqué" - "For whaaaaaaaaat... for what, for what"

• "Luego, si eso, ... " - "Never"

• "Mirusté" - "Look at it"

• "Me cago en tu padre" - "And your father what....Well?"

• "Viva Honduras" - "Hello!, i am stupid"

• "Puedo agarrarte las tetas?" - "Can i grab your tits?"

• "¿Quien es ese hombreeeeee?" - "Please kill me"

• "hilillos de plastilina" - "I need to take glasses of anus of bottle"

• "luego te llamo" - "forget me"

• "¿Le gustan las pelis de gladiadores?" - "I'd like two tickets please"

• "¡Vas a ponerle multas a tu puta madre!" - "I am awfully sorry mr. Policeman, I shall pay the fine in full"

• "Algo quiere la coneja cuando mueve las orejas" - "I think she is very very very very horny!!!"

• "Eres tan fea que cuando te perdiste en el bosque los lobos hicieron una hoguera para q no te acercaras" - " You´re so pretty"

• "Tengo un cimbel matutino con la forma de un pepino, por delante echa gotas, y por detras....por detrás que?...le cuelgan dooooooos pelotas!!!" - "I feel good"

Some hints about Basque Language

• "Epa." - Good morning.

• "Epa." - How are you.

• "Epa." - I would like a beer please.

• "Epa." - Well, see you.

• "Epa!!?" - Are you stupid?

• "Epa!!" - Hey you!

• "Epa..." - I'm not sure"

What does the future hold for Spain?

Rockets and robots, baby. Rockets and robots. Spain is also training an army of tunos to take over the world using bandurrias.

Florentino Perez (current president of Real Madrid C.F.) will buy the entire country. As well, he won't abandon his loving team and, with the country in his own, Real Madrid will undergo some incorporations in the team, such as Fraga (who will play as goalkeeper while singing the latest single of Juanes 'Tengo la camisa negra' and feeling himself like one 'chapapote remover'), Froilan (by kicking evertyhing and everybody who dares to look at him) and an offensive star player (they didn't reveal his identity but rumors say that he is a big fat man, dirty, ugly and is saying all time "Me cago en tu puta madre, chaval").


p.s.: All this information is correct and accurated and can be easely found (as many other informations) in WIKIPEDIA, one of the most useful sites to get information (at least that what one professor told me: any doubts, WIKIPEDIA)